Celibacy and the city [last entry]

12:05 AM Reporter: Applebaum
I swear its really funny how the world works--im seeing alot of things really diffrent and im open to something i never thought id be open to.

Lets just say sombody really has a hold on me lol and sadly this will be the last blog i write that has to do with my relationship status and my dating life. I know its wack and all of that but you wouldnt believe the drama my blogs have caused me. So 'Celibacy and the city' will be put to rest--or put on hold until i make sense of the situation that im in.

Dont think for one second that my decsion was swayed by haters or the men i talk about in my blogs. This was soley based on what i feel and being taken serious. But i will end things with a little info-- im still single, its been 1year and 1 month since ive last had sex, and i decided to move forward with somebody that i talked about in my blogs but we are moving really slow and that seems to be working out good.

So in order to make things last and to try and make the best of it im going to put this on hold until futher notice. I hope you all arent to mad at me because i still plan to keep you entertained in other ways..

Love yalllllll!!!!!!
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Yo yo son

11:28 PM Reporter: Applebaum
Umm where is my charger? Anywho lately my days have been slow and boring but that will change VERY soon! Lets just say i will be doing something drastic in the next few months lol

Ohhhhh everybody cross your fingers for me until july I found my dream apartment a few days ago but i wont be able to move in until aug 1st. Its sooooooo fucking cute and ill feel so carrie bradshaw lol its right in the city and its a brownstone. People always say you shouldnt get ur hopes up because u might not get it--but the secret of life is to want something, think about it, meditate about it, hope for it, and work hard for it.....and in the end you will get it.

Dont believe me? Think about the last thing you wanted really bad and u worked hard for it--no matter how long it took you got it didnt you? Yeah, i know you did.

Okay enough of that time for the random updates.

-Brooklyn is doing good he is a big boy now and he thinks he's simba. :-)
-work is work. From here on out i will be working a double shift on weekends. So i'll go in at 12am friday night and get off at 4pm sat evening. Sounds crazy but the extra cash really comes in handy!
-I get paid 3 times in May and ill be paying my speeding ticket off and going on a summer shopping spree.
-Im crazy tired right now.
-I really want a BMW and i have a feeling im going to get it.
-I still need to get a second job to support my shopping/trips to new york habit.
-my little sister (the clone) is having a bday party at the cadillac ranch May 5th and the drinks will be happy hour priced! Whoooooooo! Lol
-My dress for her party is super cute.
- i miss my old phone that didnt have this wack ass update and my 200 contacts.

Welp thats all folks!
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Celibacy and the city [10]

10:46 PM Reporter: Applebaum
Ughhhhh im feeling so wack today! Let me just say writing this blog is a MAJOR risk. Lol but fuck it im real and i have to keep you entertained right?


Okay so right now im feeling really upset and its so bad its taking physical effects! My tummy has been twisting and turning all day, my chest is tight, and my head has been killing me. So i know ur asking yourself "damn what got her sick like that"

Welllllllll im definatly fed up with my ex he hasnt been real with me and he's constantly "hurting" me and its fucked up because its one of those situations where my logic is going up against my feelings and its making me weak. I guess im finally having the break-up feelings because it has me feeling like i want to call him and cuss him out and call him out on all the shit he's lied about but then i feel like i want to call him and cry and tell him how much i wanted things to work. So i just decided not to talk to him at all...so ive been avoiding him and today i told him i just wanted to be alone.


Okay so the other reason why im feeling wack is because i recently met a guy and we will name him "Brandon" so brandon and i have been vibing and getting to know each other and he definatly is moving WAY faster than i am. Last night he asked me to be in a relationship with him and i told him that i wasnt ready and im going through a break-up. So he feels like ive lead him on and he thought something deeper would come from our friendship and now he's acting out and he wants to have words with my ex because he thinks its his fault or some stupid shit like that. He also keeps saying i shouldnt have lied to him (which i didnt) because he's open to me and its going to be hard for him to just walk away from sombody he likes so much.

*sigh

I just cant understand why im in this fucked up ass pattern! Like this shit is the sameeee ole thing and now that im trying to break the pattern im wondering if ill be letting a good guy walk because my ex fucked me up--but then again its not healthy for me to keep trying to get over one heartbreak by starting a new relationship. Its really unfair to the rebound guy.

Smh thats how J.D and i hooked up....i was heart broken by john then i met j.d-- so i guess i dont feel so bad and i say that because ive finally noticed my pattern and im breaking it!

I wack tho because Brandon is a fairly good guy and ive sucked him into my fucked up love life. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Fuck this.

Im about to keep stuffing my face and call John back and listen to him say "you'll be iight" lol

Oh! Before i forget i wanted to let u guys know that ill be switching over to vlogs next weekend!! Woot woot!!!
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A surge of energy.

6:39 AM Reporter: Applebaum
So ive let you mutha fuckas shine long enough. Lol a few days ago i got an amazing surge of creative energy back! I started a new project, photoshop is back on my computer, annnnndddddd i set up a photoshoot with my favorite person in the whole wide world (his name shall remain a mystery) for next weekend. So you know what that means? Well i hope you guys had fun while i was going through hibernation. Im at work right now but i plan on giving this blog a fresh new look along with my myspace page. I was suppose to do it last night but and gina got caught up in Kennedy Highschool talk. Lol

I have sooo many ideas its crazy! I had a block for a year and all of a sudden i cant control my wondering mind.

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Celibacy and the city [9]

8:12 AM Reporter: Applebaum
Lol yeaaaaahhhhhh it has started! Im almost certain my blog will pick back up on traffic once i start putting all my business in the streets. Lol

Okay so ummmmm i guess i should give any update on all the previous guys.

For starters J.D and i broke up--it just wasnt working and i got sick of being let down and from the last convo i had with him "i was bringing him down"

Damn i forgot the fake names i gave everybody.....

Um Mr. Sauve has a girlfriend and he's all in loveeee. But him and i still remain good friends.

John is also back in my life and he is also my bessssstfriend. We made up and talked about every aspect of our relationship and realized that we are better off as bestfriends....i love that asshole.

Uhhhhhh and as far as the other guys i dont talk to them and i have no idea what they are up to.

So now that im recently single ive been on a few dates, met 3 new guys, and just been having fun. Buuuuutttt im definatly NOT looking for a relationship or anything close to it -- they just dont work for me. so im just having fun and hopefully nobody gets attached because im definatly not.

So i hope ur ready to read about my sucky ass love life yet again lol
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Closing one door.

7:48 AM Reporter: Applebaum
Well hopefully the saying is true "when one door closes another one opens".

Im not a person with all the answers, im not right about everything, and i havent experienced alot being a young 22. But with all that being said i know whats right for me and my standards for my life. Many people fail to realize it but the desions i make are based upon whats best for me. Call it selfish, call it mean, call it whatever you want-- but at what point do take charge of your life and stop being somebodys doormat?

That applies to any aspect in life, if you're not happy in a situation you do whatever it takes to change it.

But whatever on another note...im at work and im stupid tired. I know i said this will be the last month i over work myself but im not sure it is.


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REPOST: "Its a fucking balance, duh!

9:49 PM Reporter: Applebaum
I originally posted this Jan 10th...I had to remind myself of some of the things i talked about in this blog because once again...I lost myself.

so here is a reminder for you also...



Iight, so....no surprise ive hit another bump in the road. Im not going to go into much detail on exactly what went down and why it did, but i will talk about how im feeling as of now.
Growing up and going through life i havent been a very optimistic* person and i blame it on the fact that i was born sept 5th (virgo) but in any case, i just cant help but to pay attention to the negitive things in a person/situation. Yea, i live for the day or wait let me correct that i live for the moment---but i still make mental notes of the things i dont agree with or like. Because in the end those are the things that will make shit crash if not paid attention to.

Wait, dont get me wrong i pay as much attention to the positives, and in most cases that can out weigh the negitive, no doubt about it.

But as i took a little second to collect my thoughts after the situation i asked myself "whats true anymore?" And i asked that because; we are all lost! Nobody has the right answer because everybody is focused on the wrong things (before this so did i) and im not talking about who is right or wrong. No, its much deeper than that---im talking about people who shut out the negitive and embrace the positive. I know this might sound a little off but just rock with me for a second.

Life is made up of good and bad, its a polarity...with good comes evil, with hot comes cold, with happy comes sad, with love comes hate, ect..... Those are just the common laws of exsistance. So inevitability with positive comes negitive. So our problem is we dont except negitive situations because we dont want to deal with them, we are too weak, we dont care for it, we dont want to be around it. So by us avoiding it we throw off the balance which then causes for less of a better term 'drama'.

Of course negitive shit is wack but bottom line is, its never going to stop. And as soon as you realize that and stop thinking with an unconsious mind you will overcome it just as easy you can a positive one. It all boils down to how you handle shit....this is a very hard thing to live by and this is something i learned a while back, but ive really let myself go in the past few months and ive been sucked into shit that "isnt real" by a way of thinking vs. The situations i find myself in.

Ughhh.......
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Fucking wack.

7:28 PM Reporter: Applebaum
Ugh things seem to be going in on on downward spiral. I dont even wanna talk about that shit.

Well anyways i went to the L.B today and i picked up 'The Beautiful Fall' by Alicia Drake its basically about fashion in the 70's the drugs, the parties, the drama, the glitz, and the glamor. Oh and the rivalry between Saint Laurent and Lagerfeld.

The book has been out for on on few years so you might be familiar--or not.

I dont have many updates other than my vacation is over and it was definatly NOT what i thought it would be. Smh full of fucking drama. *sigh* im in this hell hole now.

My mood sucks right now so ill blog when i feel better.

**dont you hate when ppl talk to u and they are not getting the painfully obvious hints that ur not in the mood!!!!
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DOOM X HIPHOPDX

6:04 PM Reporter: Applebaum
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HipHopDX: So just to get it out of the way, can you address the recent scandal where you were allegedly sending an impostor to perform in your mask at DOOM concerts?
DOOM: [Laughs] Alright. Here's how I look at it, because the wording in there is kinda funny. "Impostor." Impostor would imply that the character. I liken it to this: I'm a director as well as a writer. I choose different characters, I choose their direction and where I want to put them. So who I choose to put as the character is up to me. The character that I hired, he got paid for it. There's no impostor.

DX: But the fans are presumably going to see you, as that character.
DOOM: That's what they're coming to see? Me? As the character? When I go to a show, I'm going to hear the music. I'm not going to see no particular person. I'm going to hear the music, if I can't see the motherfucker... I might be blind. Any cats that are coming to see me as a physical person, I can switch the [actor] any time. I'm not gonna play the part of that character every time. Like how [actors] changed through the Batman series, where it was George Clooney & it switched like five [other actors].

People need to think outside of the box, Hip Hop is not just what you expect it to be. This is a growing genre, it's a creative field. So when you come to a DOOM show, I'm letting all the cats know now, come to hear the show and come to hear the music. To see me? Y'all don't even know who I am! There are certain times I did shows and shit, I took a year off, and I went back to doing the character. I couldn't find nobody to do the character so last minute I said, "Fuck it, I'll do it." Came back, did the show, lost a little weight. You know, I'm trimming down, watching my diet. I come back, do the show, sound was excellent. But as soon as I get off the stage, they're saying it wasn't me. Alright, it's never me. I'm the writer. It's a show. That's where it's getting twisted in Hip Hop. It's all visual. People want to go see the guy with the big chain who's bragging about all these cars that he has. That's where it gets twisted. This is music. Technology makes it possible for me to still do music and not have to be any particular place. I'm using all that. I'm using every aspect at my disposal to project my creative thoughts. Either people gonna get it or they not. But I'll tell you one thing, if you're coming to a DOOM show, don't expect to see me, expect to hear me or hear the music that I present. And it's gonna be a unique experience every time. So that's all I have to say about that.

DX: About the DOOM character, I was always struck by how he started off as a very serious, sort of broken man on Operation Doomsday and has since evolved to become more jokey, more cartoony. Is that something you’ve done consciously?
DOOM: Yeah, [on] Operation: Doomsday, the way I presented it was as an introduction from the character from an outside point of view. Way outside. Okay, there's this guy that everybody is calling the super villain. You hardly know anything about him, so you're hearing things, and you gradually get introduced to him through what he puts out as propaganda, what he shows outwardly. Then gradually the [MM]...Food record comes around and at that point you're kinda familiar with the dictatorship side of the character, more serious like, the take-over-the-game conqueror aspect of him. Then you get to the, "Oh, he's not such a bad guy, they call him the villain but, now we get to know him and he seems cool. What's so villainous about this guy?" Right? So with this record, the third installment in the trilogy, there's even a closer, more candid [look]. You already know him. He's your man now, so you don't call him MF DOOM every time, you call him DOOM now. That's the reason for [the name change]. You get into the mind of the character like that's your homeboy. It's almost like from the outside how people can be perceived as being villainous or bad or evil, you know. When you're looking at one thing from a certain perspective it could seem like anything.

DX: Are you surprised by how widely people have accepted DOOM since you created him?
DOOM: [Laughs] That's crazy because that's news to me. I don't even keep track of it.

DX: Well you're up on Cartoon Network and all that. Most underground rappers don't have that level of visibility.
DOOM: Stuff like that just kinda happens by accident. I meet up with cats that, they're fans [of me] and I'm fans of them. So I don't know if that's [an accurate] gauge to say that it's widely accepted just because my mans said, "Oh snap, you should do a show!" "Word? Yeah I'll come on there, I'll wear the mask." But I guess it's being it more widely accepted. I had no idea that it'd even get to this level.

DX: I always think back to when you did those Christmas spots. Now for someone who listens to Hip Hop those makes sense, but do you worry that there's a whole different audience that is missing the context?
DOOM: Right all they [see] is a guy with a mask. That's cool. That's who the character is. He might pop up anywhere. He's not necessarily stuck in the Hip Hop genre. It's flexible like that and that's what's fun about it. I'm not stuck in that box. The character can do anything.

DX: Do you think there'll ever be a point where you retire the character?
DOOM: I thought about it. I was about to retire the nigga after this [album] but then my wife talked me out of it. She felt like I would be killing myself or something. So I think that he's gonna have to be an infinity guy. As long as Superman and Batman and all these guys have been rocking 50 years, the villain will be the same way, rocking. Timeless and ageless. He's just that super villain.

DX: It seemed like you slowed down on recording for a while. Did you think you were spreading yourself too thin?
DOOM: No, if I had more shit I would have put out more shit at the time. They come in spurts and shit. Pause, if you know the pause game. But [if I release] three albums in a year, I might have been writing those albums for three years. The three years that I'm writing them, you might not hear anything. It takes a lot of research to make sure that the story makes sense and to double check for consistency. Not to mention I'm also a father and a regular guy out here in the world.

DX: It must be nice to have that anonymity, where you can have that career and the go back to being a regular guy and not get approached you on the street.
DOOM: [Laughs] Yeah, niggas don't approach me on the street. I think I'm the last motherfucker you want to really approach, even to ask for the time. It's total freedom. It's cool, I couldn't even imagine doing it with that much attention.

DX: But you obviously saw some of that attention in the KMD days though.
DOOM: Yeah but when you're young, you're not thinking about it. I got bored with it then. It was corny. So by the time I figured out this new way to present the music I made sure that I edited that out. The mask just happened to fit. But at the same time the mask represents sound and not sight. It doesn't matter what you look like. Not to mention, I think the listening audience sympathizes better with a masked character because it could be them in his shoes. I think it's easier for them to put themselves in his shoes. It works good like that. It could be anybody behind the mask. It could be you, it could be your uncle. It gives the listener a way to sympathize with the character better.

DX: You have a Charles Bukowski theme going on with the new record. Are there other literary influences that inspire your work?
DOOM: No doubt. In the case of Operation Doomsday, at that time I was reading the Sidney Sheldon novel The Doomsday Conspiracy. Just by reading science fiction and those kind of things they get my mind in a creative mode. If I see the story took a strange direction, it gets me to thinking, "Wow, my shit I can take a twist there." I just think it kinda broadens things. I always read a book when I'm doing a record. When I get stuck it gets my stuff going. Bukowski was for this record. I'm reading the Bukowski shit and getting into that dude and his plight and his whole mission as a writer. I watched a documentary [about] that dude [called Born Into This]. He really inspired me, just from how he just did his craft without worrying about [standards]. There's no standards to what we do, we just do it. Born Like This, that's why I chose that as the title. Writers are born and we're not doing it like, "Yeah I think I'll be a writer today." We can't help it. If I had another job, if I was a gardener or a city worker, I would still be writing rhymes and doing my little thing. I'm just blessed to be able to do it for a living.

DX: Do you pay much attention to other music?
DOOM: Um. I don't really get a chance to listen to a lot of new stuff unless it's somebody I'm working with. Most of the time I'm working with people like Madlib so I'll hear what he's working on or recently, I bumped into my new friend Dave Sitek from TV On The Radio. I wasn't familiar with his music at all, but we had mutual friends and I played my record and he played me his shit and now I'm into his shit. So it's usually people that I work with. I don't really get a chance to listen to the radio or whatever they choose to present to the masses.

DX: On the new record "Batty Boys" you out Batman and Robin as homosexuals. What would you say to the accusation that that's a homophobic record?
DOOM: I don't know what I would say. It's not about homos. It's about Batman and them. They just happen to be homos. It's a story about Batman and it's like I got a personal beef with Batman, or I'll say the character DOOM, has a personal beef with Batman. Like remember the beef with DMX and Ja Rule ? The character DOOM is just in the realm of cartoons and comics, so his competition is Batman and these guys. And that nigga's a homo, so he's gonna say he's a homo. They ain't saying there's nothing wrong with being a homo. I'm not homophobic, I got friends that's homo. I'd say to the homos it's no big deal, I'm just teasing. I'm a nigga, how about that? You know how much shit I get? It's good to get conversations started like that. I did that [record] intentionally so we could start talking about these kind of things.

DX: I also read it as something a commentary on masculinity in Hip Hop as of late.
DOOM: How everything is tough guy shit?

DX: Actually I was thinking the opposite. It seems like, over the last few years things have gotten kind of... soft?
DOOM: Kinda bitchy? [Laughs] I look at it like, it's just a thing that's going on but there has to be people that speak to us too. We're men, so who's speaking for the men? So say you're not supposed to be like that and it becomes a style and everybody is dressing like this now. Your sexual orientation is a style now? For the youth that's growing up and they try to find their identity that could be a big mistake. So I'm just speaking from the side of a heterosexual male. I didn't try to over-tough-guy the shit, it's just regular shit. At the same time, notice in the song "Cellz," there's shit in there like "pull your pants up man." That's not appropriate for a man to be walking around with his pants all down, plus you'll get slammed like that, how you gonna get up? I'm a father too. I'm teaching, in a way, [to] my sons and anybody else that maybe don't have a father and they look up to the character. So I'm just on that side. DOOM is a beer-drinking guy, he's a responsible guy, but sometimes he might have weird opinions. The character could be homophobic. He could be, but he's not. It just happens that the niggas who he was fucking with at the time happened to be homos. "Them homo niggas took the money. So what you gonna do? You gotta go get 'em" whether he was a homo or not. He could be like "yeah that two-headed dude, he tried to rob me. You gotta go get 'em." Include everybody.

DX: How old are your kids?
DOOM: They range from the ages of 16, the oldest, to my youngest [who] is eight months.

DX: What do they think of DOOM?
DOOM: I got a six year-old. To him it's fun. He wears the Batman mask, I had to go to Toys R' Us and actually buy the Batman mask and the wings. So he's running around the house with the Batman suit on, but then he's making fun of me because I wear a mask too. He knows there's a difference between me and the character so he kinda wants me to throw my mask on and do battle with him. "Batman is better than you." That definitely fueled ["Batty Boys"]. Like "Word? Batman’s better than me? I'm spendin $24 in the store and Batman’s better than me? Alright, I got some shit for Batman." So they think it's fun. I like to have fun with it and make music that they can enjoy and keep the content relatively not so crazy.

But on this particular record I got [Raekwon] on there and I got [Ghostface Killah] on there, so they’ll be doing what they want to do. Their writing style is incredible. On this album I put the best writers that I could get together. Slug from Atmosphere - incredible emcee, the way he writes and gives you a vision that you could just get from his rhymes. Same thing with Starks and Rae and Empress Stahhr, an emcee out of Atlanta that I'm working with. She is like... snap... she is like as nasty as I am. I'll only say that about her. Anybody else I'll be like, "Yeah, he alright, he alright, I'm still the best." But she's damn near right there with me. So I put together a few ill writers. I threw Bukowski in there just to show that we're all writers. And in his time he was underrated and a lot of people couldn't get it, but I got him on this guest appearance because we're all writers. So he gets his verse too.

DX: What's the status of the album with Ghost?
DOOM: Now that this one is out the way, progress will be picking up. It's about 40% done. Forty-two percent done, if I had to say. But then it's hard to gauge because everything is speeding up now, so it could probably be done real fast, within two months I could have it done. Madvillain seems like it's closer to being done. I'm working on the shit now. That shit'll be done within the next two months. I don't know when they gonna put it out. Otis [Madlib] is the producer, so I don't really have to do too much. I think on this record, we're mixing it up. I'll have more production on this one. We're thinking of doing half and half on production and half and half on content. I'm also working on a record for Williams Street, that's Adult Swim's record company. I think I'm gonna do [the alias King] Ghidra on there. I'm not gonna set that in stone, but I think Ghidra might be coming out on Williams Street. So by the end of the year, all of them will be done.

DX: Now what's the difference between Ghidra and Doom?
DOOM: See Ghidra is this 300-400 foot reptilian being, right? If you can imagine him in the third dimension he'd be three headed and about that height. But really he exists in another dimension. So what he does is channel his thoughts through DOOM just so he could express [them] on this plain. I know it sounds weird, but he's channeling his thoughts through DOOM as a vessel so DOOM can speak for him. And I don't know what else to say about Ghidra. Ghidra's Ghidra. He's just a totally different being. Ghidra's records tend to be more instrumental and guest based. DOOM may guest appear there, but DOOM is the actual one who is using his skills and metal fingers to put it together. When DOOM is in tune to Ghidra his production style is Ghidra.

DX: A couple years back you had mentioned plans to bring KMD back as well. Is that still in the works?
DOOM: Well, I'm still working on the next KMD record, it's gonna be different than what everybody would expect. Traditionally, when a group gets back together it's like, "Wow, the guys are back together!" It's totally different. KMD now… of course my brother Subroc, he's on the other side now, so he can't be here physically, so his participation is from that realm. The other guy, Onyx, who played the part of the Birthstone Kid is no longer part of the group, so it's more of a musical experience that is in the direction of KMD. Like, after Black Bastards, what would the next set of music sound like? It doesn't even have to have rhymes on it even. It could be all instrumental. But it'd be that KMD texture or the KMD formulas. It's a different formula to how we do music. The DOOM formula is totally different than the KMD formula, even production-wise. And that's the thing that really sets everything apart. So the group and the title and the essence of KMD, the next record will be that. It's still in the works, it's kinda tricky trying to craft it though. I'm making sure the shit is right, but it'll happen.

DX: Is it hard for you to channel that essence with your brother being gone?
DOOM: Anytime you lose a family member there's a grieving period. But it's not really no different, it's just a different realm, just a different form of communication. We’re all gonna go to that realm eventually. As long as you know that you can still know how to communicate with them. They're not gone, you just can't see them with the naked eye. The naked eye only picks up a certain spectrum of light. What else don't we see and what side are we on? Maybe that's the right side and we're gone. Connections never break. Energy can never be created or destroyed. Anything that it changes to is just change. If you know how to tune into it, it's the same thing. So to me, any of my brothers that are on the other side, I can just still tune into them. If I'm thinking about them I'm talking to them. I can hear them, I still laugh around them. It might look weird like I'm laughing in the room by myself, but I'm laughing with Bukowski, I'm asking his permission, I'm talking to [J] Dilla, I'm talking to Sub. To me, that's how it is. I think we're all headed in that way of overstanding, but to get over the emotional hump is what's important. When people feel like they lost somebody that they love, to know that they're not gone. There's no such thing as out of existence. They're just in another realm. They can hear us and all that from that realm, we just can't see them and hear them with these tools that we have. Or we do have the tools to see them and hear them, we just have to go inside and utilize those tools. Not to get too mushy with the shit.

DX: So back to KMD, you're not in touch with Onyx at all? He's out of the picture completely?
DOOM: Well really in the same way that DOOM was a character, I needed a character to add to KMD so I hired a guy. I had another third guym but he backed out. We just got the [Elektra Records] deal and was about to really formulate the record but we wanted it to be three people because it's easier to get the message across when it's three of us. He wasn't rhyming at the time, he's just one of my homeboys that had a good personality and he was with it. So I guess he wasn't born to be an emcee. He went back to doing whatever he was meant to do in his life. So I may have to hire another guy. Maybe I can find somebody else I can hire as Onyx. If the fans really want to see a guy. Or maybe they'd like to hear the music. This is why it's funny, it's real simple. Music is something you hear. Next time I go on stage, if I chose to go on stage and be the character, I’ma tell everybody to close their eyes anyway. It's about what you hear and the energy exchange.

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ehhhh.

6:23 AM Reporter: Applebaum

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Forgive and forget

6:53 AM Reporter: Applebaum
My terms of forgiving and forgetting might be diffrent than others. Ill forgive you then forget you--it takes a lot for me to dismiss somebody out of my life. When I do dismiss somebody I turn cold and lately I've been asking myself is that fair? Like say for instance you did something really shady to me and it hurt me bad but then you noticed your mistake and you came back begging for forgiveness and a second chance at friendship. I'd forgive you but I wouldn't give a second chance...its definatly a much deeper issue within myself and I know that but its just the way things are.

So I was talking to a old friend about it and he told me that I'm wrong for that--he went on and on about how apart of forgiving is allowing things to go back to the way they were and yada yada yada. I understand that to an extent but once a person does somthing wack it doenst matter how muchh forgiving you do it will never go back to "normal" and once you do forgive somebody why do you have to open the doors of friendship again? Psh, whatever its all bullshit if you ask me. You can definatly be civil to a person on some hi and bye shit.

Whatever people are stupid. Who made up these rules anyway?
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FUCKING KILLED IT

7:59 PM Reporter: Applebaum
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Mannnnnnnn omg BEST shit EVER! Well not ever... but this is the best rap album I've heard in a while. I've always been a Doom fan but I kinda forgot about him. If you love REAL rap--get this album! you'll be so stoked, I promise!

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Scott Mescudi.

5:24 AM Reporter: Applebaum

the.LIFE Files Shuts Down Alife To Welcome Kid Cudi To NYC! from the.LIFE Files on Vimeo.

Still a funny dude.

Anyway, I think I'm going to start vlogging. I tend to talk alot more when I do things that way and it will be more entertaining for you, right? Yeah so I'm going to buy a cam soon and get my vlog on.

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*yawn

9:33 PM Reporter: Applebaum
I'm freaking tired! I'm super stoked that I don't have to work tonight and that my vacation starts on thursday!!!!!! I made plans today and my week will consist of two kickbacks at my place, a potential date, and shopping spree in crocker park-- I kinda wanna go to the IX-center (a cleveland thing) idk I might take my younger cousins. Anyways, it just feels so good to be able to relax and chill the fuck out...after the past few days I've been having, ugh! I couldn't ask for anything more.

I'm waking up early tomorrow and hitting the LB and hopefully I can see what's up with this yoga class I use to attend that's up the block. I'm just trying to get my mind right.

Okay well I have a lot of time on my hands so ill be updating round these parts more often!

Nite nite!
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Where Brooklyn at?

8:02 PM Reporter: Applebaum
Here is my little boo boo. :-)

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yo yo yoooo

6:42 PM Reporter: Applebaum
“UPDATE THAT MUTHA FUCKING BLOG”
-Everybody

Yea so, I’ve been on cloud 9 for a while but it all came crashing down at the start of the week. Lol well lets talk about the happy times first—for starters everything that I’ve been saying I wanted for the past few months, I got! All that overtime at work really paid off. I finally went to register at the new school, I got a new blackberry, I got my kitten (BROOKLYN—ill post a pic of him when I go back home), I got the laptop, I did madddd shopping, and I caught up on some bills. So I kept telling my friends and family “dude, things are going way to good…something is going to happen” and something did happen! I’m not gonna go into detail on the sheer fact that I don’t want to upset myself no more than I already am. But a nigga did some WACK shit and now it has me mad disgusted to the point when I think of him and the wack stunts he pulls. It makes my fucking stomach turn and now I’m pissed and its not one of those “aww fuck im mad” nah, it fucks up my whole day when I think about the shit—so as I type im pissed. Man, I just hate liars…nah but dude is way beyond your normal liar…. BUT FUCK THAT! Anywho, a few things have changed and if we communicate often hit my myspace.

On another and much brighter note—whats wrong with Amber? Personally I think kanye and amber look so nice together…it’s like an ideal couple. Like one of those “damn, it must be nice”. Well, that’s what I think when I see pictures of them.

See…
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mad nice…real nice! Fuck those NB kanye rocking tho.

Well with that being said… Celibacy and the city will be starting back up REAL SOON! Lol I need a few free meals out of wack guys. Lol at my mother saying “omg Andy I really wish you would leave those losers alone and date a nice Cleveland guy” nice Cleveland guys? Ughhh more like lame ass Cleveland punk—whatever ill give it a try since its been so fucking long. So prepare yourself …I am. Lol

Okay fucktards I’m over my mom’s house doing laundry and I’m sure my shit is dry so ill post when I get to the crib. Oh how I love that free wireless connection!

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