.

Ello'

So its been a while, ehhhh, you know me. As of lately ive been working, partying, dating, shopping, and sleeping here and there. Over all my summer has been good! But thats not what im here to blog about.......

If you follow my blog you know that im spiritual and I get a lot of insight, answers to my life questions, and motivation thru my dreams. So just the other day I had yet another eye opening dream that had another message and with help from Justin i figured it out and it was just the boost I needed.

I was going to put school off YET AGAIN lol but as planned my classes start next month, FOR SURE! I called a few friends and my good buddy Jolie set me up with a foot in the door opp with Complex mag! Im sooooo excied about that! I really have to work my ass off and make sure im on top of my shit by the time winter rolls around because im going to be in super overdrive! I have to prepare something like a fashion look book but with a major twist incorporating my graphic design skills, photography skills, artistic view, and MYSELF! This is a MAJOR project that will be very fun but tedious. All this done while working and going to school-- ehhhh, can you say 5 hour energy shots? Lol

Well just wanted to give you guys an update on whats what! Once i make my way back to my laptop I will be updating the look of this blog, im thinking black.....and ill update the tunage.

xxooxoxooxo


OH! Wait! How could i forget!

Check out my homies and when i say homies i mean to say BFF's -- you know them iLL niggas! Lol

www.myspace.com/IamJusthinking

www.myspace.com/Artfulc

I think those links are correct-- if not, go to my myspace page and link them from my top!

Justhink and AC

Okay thats all....
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Blog it is....

So today is the first day that ive found a little down time. (Im @ work now but my clients are sleep)

So its been a hectic 2weeks! A lot of you know my situation with work and everything else so to some its no surprise that I went on a weeks hiatus-- due to work and getting settled in the new place (i havent spent the night there yet and ive had the keys since the first--maybe that will give some of you some insight on how busy ive been) but to my surprise everybody is acting funny style!

I mean i lost a few homies and we all know homies are like the seasons, so i really didn't care...but my FRIENDS got beef! Well not beef but they are pissed. I can see how and why they are pissed but i assumed they knew me--"i just wanna be successful"! Lol but forreal tho....

I try hard to keep the great friends that i do have but ill be honest if ur not on facebook or twitter or not CALLING my phone the chances of us talking are slim. Im not saying its up to u to keep the friendship going but if ur not doing none of the above don't bust MY balls whenever I do call, text, im, and whatever else.

But anyways, so with this crazy work shit ive been eating fastfood, drinking mad soda, and ive been eating over my moms house alot also. I feel so icky! Lol u can really tell how harsh that crap is on ur body after drinking nothing but tea and water for months and eliminating fast food down to once a week.

I feel so fat! Lol I know as soon as i get settled in ill be able to cut down on all this bad eating but ive also decided im not taking the elevator for like 3months (unless i have alot of crap with me) and i live on the 5th floor--so there is my cardio, CYEAH! Lol

Uhhhh oh, ive been attempting to "date" and its just as bad as it use to be. well, not really, its just really confusing! I forgot how guys love to play games and send mixed messages. Im so over playing and trying to figure things out....my mind is already in a million places as it is....so i usually end up not talking to the guy anymore after the first date...ehhhh? Oh well I guess.

***i started writing this blog yesterday--now that im trying to finish it, i cant because im in a sucky mood**

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This blog is from left feild by all means but I need to vent...
I'm sure most of you will get lost in translation--oh well.




Im feeling like there is nothing I can do or say at this point. The feeling that I get when I sit and reflect on the shit that went on
between you and I is the same feeling I get when I fail at something-- that eery feeling and the ball that ties up in your core, WHACK! I keep trying to lie to myself in hopes that I will believe that what went on didn't happen and what we are trying to force is....what it is........platonic?

Nah, Im lying again, because when I look at you or hear your voice that day pops into my mind. How can we front though? Two people that are so
intouch with whats real in the world--how can we front on what IT IS?!

Damn, sometimes I dead ass wonder if its just me... Is it the things you say or is it something more? Do you think about me at all? FUCK do you even miss what it once was?

.......

The role that I played was a significant one at some point in time but now im "replaceable", how? It was more than a friendship and fuck the definaition and stigma of a relationship, it was a SPIRITUAL CONNECTION-- doesnt that hold any weight? I guess not since im losing to....to....thats not important.


This can't be defined as a broken heart because I can't see you in that light (somebody that hurt me). Im not a woman sccorned, im not bitter, im not upset....im lost. I didn't realize the impact you had on my life until now....there is a lot you don't know based on the sheer fact of my ego which is my fault but....

When you talk I listen, when you express yourself artistically I FEEL IT, (as cliche as this might sound) when your hurt apart of me isn't content, when you need me im there..and it goes on and on!

This isnt a plee this isnt anything -- honesntly, I hope you never even see this.

I just hope somewhere along the way you can reclaim the spot in my life that belongs to you and always will be yours.


*sigh*

and the worst part is I can't escape you-- EVERYTHING reminds me of us or you...

I'm lost.....

lol my little sister's boyfriend gave a crack head $2 to dance, how degrading. lol

He's the apple to my pie (or im the apple to his), he's the kush to my "dutch" lol, he's the sun to my day, the....the.... lol ok i'll stop.






=[ All I have left are the videos lol




He's coming back soon and I CAN'T WAIT!

So a few of the homies have been asking me to post pic's of the new place that im so much in love with-- ill post 1! lol

If you want to see it in all its glory COME OVER! LOL

This is the front room, ignore the TV lol and that LV lol

and this is a pic of my backyard lol DEAD ASS!



Ive been taking a lot of pics lately...ill upload later!